1985 Play-by-Play

January

January 2nd, Captain Cadaver and a spunky sophomore team called The Sick Puppies opened the scoring with a six-point punch-out of Filipino Gabriel "Flash" Elorde, one of the greatest fighters to ever come out of the Asia-Pacific region, in the ring for a title bout every year from '52 to '67... Jan. 12th, Fire Ants scored a two-point solo safety on Adam Walsh, captain of the undefeated 1924 Notre Dame football team... Jan. 20th, Captain Cadaver stepped into the lead at 10 points with a four-point solo on Rep. Gillis Long, of the Louisana Longs... Jan. 23rd, Freydis, Ida the Goose, Minerva and The Tulsa Tigers feasted on two points whipped up by chef James Beard... Jan. 26th, The Ithaca Psychics, Razor and The Sick Puppies scored five points on William Devine, who's claim to fame was that he served two days as New York City Commissioner of Police before retiring to die of brain cancer. The Psychics argued that he was nationally famous, carried the day, and thus handed the lead to The Sick Puppies at 11 points.

February '85

February 3rd, Razor soloed for three on physicist Frank Oppenheimer... Feb. 8th, Captain Cadaver and Dead Reckoner dueted for three on Marvin Miller, who played Michael Anthony on TV's "The Millionaire" and was the narrator of "Gerald McBoing-Boing." The trey gave the lead back to Captain Cadaver at 13... Feb. 12th, Captain Cadaver joined the Moorebids and D. Perriman Jr. at the bar of "Cheers" to toast actor Nick "Coach" Colasanto for four points. The hit lifted the leading Captain to 17 & 4... Feb. 21st, Pontius and The Portland Sisters (a team led by The Merry Little Breezes) scored on actress Ina Claire for one each... Feb. 22nd, The Sick Puppies went Wild on concert violinist Efrem Zimbalist Sr. and drew to within one point of the leading Captain Cadaver at 16. Scoring one point were D. Beach, OPEC and The Portland Sisters... Feb. 27th, Dupont Fluvius and Metro Daly scored two on patrician politician Henry Cabot Lodge.

March '85

March 7th, C. Stanley scored a WILD CARD SOLO on Robert Winship Woodruff the head of Coca-Cola who once noted, "There's no limit to what a man can do or how far he can go if he doesn't care who gets the credit."... On Mar. 10th, the 1985 Game Gazette editor, the King of Pain, noted, "The Kremlin has provided exit visas for droves of gamesters (25) wishing to escape the gulag Club Nula." The hit was Soviet bigwig Konstantin Chernenko. Forty gamesters in all scored three, including the leaders, Captain Cadaver and The Sick Puppies moving to 20 and 19... Mar. 12th, Dupont Fluvius, P. Grise, the Moorebids, the Portland Sisters and the Tulsa Tigers raised their batons for two points on conductor Eugene Ormandy... Mar. 16th, Dupont Fluvius was back with a solo from the world of music, if one takes a broad view of what constitutes music, scoring two on composer Roger Sessions (who in the opinion of this critic should have been booked for Assault & Battery every time his works were performed)... Mar. 21st, wunderkind C. Stanley was back, joined by Captain Cadaver in scoring on actor Michael Redgrave for three. The Captain moved to 23 points... Mar. 23rd, Ida the Goose and Black Dahlia scored five on jazz great Zoot Sims... Same day, The Register soloed for four on Patricia Harris, the first black woman to serve as an ambassador... Mar. 24th, a team who shall remain nameless pointed to the name "Norton Simon" on their list and claimed credit for Dr. Norton Simon, a radiologist. The following year, they again listed Norton Simon, a well known financier. Sheesh. They were apprehended in 1990 and stripped of the points... Mar. 28th, 17 gamesters scored on Russian-born painter Marc Chagall, 16 for the ace and one, Dupont Fluvius, going Wild for five.

April '85

April 5th, five young toughs got surley with five points on NFL player and coach Fran Polsfoot. Wresting the lead from Captain Cadaver were The Sick Puppies, moving to 24 points... Apr. 11th, Dr. Doux led a group of seven in a three-point homage to Albania's urbane, witty and charming Enver Hoxha, whose reign ushered in an era of freedom and compassion, art and beauty, of which one citizen noted, "If the borders were opened, even the turtles would run."... Apr. 14th, the National Health soloed for four points on film and TV actress Noele Gordon... Apr. 23rd, Sen. Sam Ervin, whose obstructionist career in the Senate was redeemed in a blaze of glory as the "old country lawyer" led the Watergate Hearings, passed out his last patronage in the form of two points to 21 admiring gamesters led by Razor.

May '85

May 2nd, D. Beach and Dead Weight scored two each on Milton Eisenhower, expert in the fields of agriculture, education, public information and the UN, a.k.a. Dwight's smarter brother... May 4th, Captain Cadaver called umpire Bill Kunkel out at home and retook the lead with the six-point hit,, moving to 29. Also scoring were The Moorebids and Jack the Ripper... May 9th, rising to 33 points, Captain Cadaver led a troupe of 11 in scoring four on character actor Edmund O'Brien... May 11th, C. Stanley soloed for two on Chester Gould, creator of Dick Tracy... May 16th, the Game's M. Hamilton led five in scoring two on The Wizard of Oz's Wicked Witch, Margaret Hamilton. How perfect!... May 30th, Dr. Death once noted that Tony Boyle was too evil to die, but he was wrong. Boyle was a former UMWA president who sought to return to power by paying three men $20,000 to murder a union rival, as well as his wife and daughter, in their beds. Boyle died in prison while serving three life terms. Seven gamesters made the call for two points each.

June '85

June 2nd, The National Health soloed for three on Labour leader Lord George-Brown; it was career solo #13, and tied the Health with D. Perriman Sr. for the Career Solo lead... June 5th, the death toll from May 25th's cyclone in Bangladesh exceeded 5,000 and thus 10 points went to Dr. Doux and OPEC... June 11th, The Sick Puppies led the way in scoring seven on Karen Ann Quinlan, a drug overdose victim who had been in a coma since 1975. The hit (which would not count in the present day, i.e. We allow no Medical Marvels who were not famous prior to their affliction) lifted the Pups to 31 points. Three other gamesters also scored seven.

July '85

July 12th, Dead Reckoner, the Morbo Chucks, the Portland Sisters and D. Trageser scored four on steel industry leader Arnold Miller... July 16th, author and Nobel laureate Heinrich Boll was a three-point solo for Freydis... July 21st, e. mcgrath soloed for five on author and historian Herbert Gutman... July 27th, Pontius went Wild on Smokey Joe Wood, a Red Sox pitcher who pitched a no-hitter in 1911, won 16 consecutive games and in 1912 was 34-5, including three winning World Series games. Was it a Wild Card Solo!? No, for Ponty was Sweenied by Aces & Eights, who tagged along for one point.

August '85

August 8th, in collecting three points, Cassandra Bob, Ida the Goose, the King of Pain and OPEC honored the memory of Louise Brooks, an extraordinary actress and personality in the American and German cinema known best for her performance as Lulu in "Pandora's Box."... Aug. 13th, Minerva soloed for two on hotel magnate J. Willard Marriott who once noted, "Good timber does not grow with ease. The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."... Aug. 14th, Pontius soloed for two on movie actress Gale Sondergaard... Aug. 28th, 13 gamesters tallied two on actress Ruth Gordon of "Harold & Maude" fame... Aug. 30th, the author of "Dynasty of Death," Taylor Caldwell, wrote up two points for the King of Pain and the Portland Sisters.

September '85

September 3rd, D. Trageser beat out a three-point solo on jazz drummer Jo Jones... Sept. 9th, seven gamesters scored five on pro golfer Rod Funseth. Re-taking the lead at 36 were the Sick Puppies... Sept. 14th, five gamesters scored on Julian Beck, founder of "The Living Theater" and producer of "The Brig," a film that should be required viewing for anyone thinking of joining the military. Going Wild: Dead Letter Office. Among those scoring four: Razor and C. Stanley... Sept. 27th, D. Beach and Danse Macabre scored two on actor Lloyd Nolan... Sept. 30th, the Tulsa Tigers soloed for four on actress Simone Signoret... Same day, the earth moved for Fire Ants as she went Wild for five on Charles Richter, inventor of The Richter Scale. Scoring two points were D. Beach, Minerva and Pontius.

October '85

October 1st, D. Beach was back, scoring two on writer and essayist E. B. White. Also on hand, T. & J. James and Sudden Death... Oct. 2nd, eight gamesters had a careful eye on actor Rock Hudson and scored five each. Among them, Danse Macabre, D. Perriman Jr. and the Moorebids... Oct. 10th, one of the Game's biggest Daily Doubles: actors Yul Brynner (4) and Orson Welles (3) died on the same day and 10 gamesters tallied the seven-point score. In all 35 scored on Brynner -- including The Sick Puppies moving to 40 points and Captain Cadaver in pursuit at 37 -- and 19 scored on Welles... Oct. 21st, In Extremis, the Moorebids and Razor tallied seven points each on Dan White, father of the Twinkee Defense, who died by his own hand. Ironically, gamester Twinkie Defense had retired at the end of the previous year, too soon to score on this perfect hit... Oct. 30th, Fire Ants tallied a beauty three-point solo on Kirby "Sky King" Grant, dead in a car crash.

November '85

November 1st, The Sick Puppies led 12 in scoring three on comic Phil Silvers and moved to 43 points... Nov. 5th, 13 gamesters scored one on Mormon leader Spencer Kimball, and D. Trageser went Wild for five... Nov. 16th, Dr. Doux and Dupont Fluvius scored two each on Sen. John Sparkman... Nov. 19th, W. Dockum and OPEC tallied two each on actor Stepin Fetchit... Nov. 24th, D. Trageser was back with a solo on blues shouter Big Joe Turner for three... Nov. 27th, the Ithaca Psychics and the Sick Puppies scored five on W. F. Keough, a hostage in the Iranian crisis. (The hit would not count under current rules which require people to be famous for what they've done, not for what has been done to them.) The Pups used the points to rise to 48 points.. Nov. 28th, Pontius soloed on Broadway star Georgia Burke for one point.

December '85

December 6th, Dead Weight scored a one-point solo on Burleigh Grimes, the last of the legal spitball pitchers... Dec. 7th, Sudden Death soloed for three on former Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart and Dr. Doornail tallied a one-point solo on author Robert Graves... Dec. 14th, the Sick Puppies led nine in scoring five on baseball's Roger Maris. The homer cleared the bases and moved the Pups to 53... Dec. 15th, Ida the Goose, Minerva, Pontius and Razor scored two each on Filipino diplomat Carlos Romulo... Dec. 27th, the Sick Puppies closed out the year with a hallmark hit, rising to 55 points with a two-point solo on New York City theatrical agent Audrey Wood who had been in a coma since 1981.

And so it ended, with The Sick Puppies winning the Gran Prix (55 points) and the Perriman Pennant (12 hits), Jack the Ripper the Reaper Ribbon for High QPA (4.67), M. Hamilton Clete's Cup (2.00), Fire Ants Rookie of the Year, and Dead Letter Office Doc's Diploma for Class List. (How the editor could have overlooked the extraordinarily stylish 1985 had by Fire Ants, C. Stanley, and D. Trageser when considering the winner in this final category will forever be a source of wonder.)

Let's look at the Top Ten for 1985.

Take me on to 1986.

Take me back to Play-by-Play.